'You’re not leaving here alive': Man Up worker sentenced for threats, assault of wife

Shayne Dempster says he is a Destiny Church Man Up facilitator who helps men turn their lives around, even gang members trying to step away from violence.

But after the collapse of his 35‑year marriage, and a dispute over goats, he has been convicted of violence and threatening to kill his wife.

The convictions follow guilty verdicts delivered by a Whangārei jury in June for assault on a person in a family relationship, threats to kill, and unlawful possession of a prohibited firearm.

By September 2024, his marriage had deteriorated so badly that he and his wife were barely speaking, and Dempster had shifted to another house on the farm while still keeping most of his belongings in the marital home.

The farm had a goat-milking operation and, on December 30, 2024, Dempster’s wife and daughter were out running a herd.

His wife noticed Dempster had moved some of his goats, which were raised for meat, into the back of a truck.

She became concerned that he was going to release the goats into the herd of milking stock and told him to move the truck.

Dempster ignored her.

His wife got an iPad and began taking photos of the goats.

“You ran back towards her with the intention of getting the iPad off her,” Judge John McDonald said at Dempster’s sentencing. “What she was doing, of course, she was actually entitled to do. You had no entitlement to take the iPad from her.

“When you got to her, all the violence, and it was moderate, was from you towards her.”

Dempster pushed his wife backwards several times, which caused her to fall.

“She let go of the iPad, you took it off her and walked away. As you were walking away, you said to her, ‘You’re not leaving here alive.’”

Judge McDonald said the woman, and ultimately the jury, took that threat seriously.

After she reported Dempster to the police, officers arrived at the home and took away several firearms, most of which were unsecured.

After they left, his wife found another firearm wrapped and hidden in a hallway cupboard.

“On examination by police, it was found to be a prohibited firearm under section 50A ... of the Arms Act, in that it had a magazine under the barrel that could carry more than the allowed cartridges,” Judge McDonald said.

Dempster was charged with several violence offences and, at a jury trial, was found guilty of threats to kill, assault on a person in a family relationship and unlawfully possessing a prohibited firearm.

At the recent sentencing, Judge McDonald noted that Dempster had told report writers he wasn’t happy with the criminal justice system or with how the trial proceeded.

“It wasn’t a good decision to say something about his general observation,” his lawyer Victor Heather submitted.

Shayne Dempster launched into a speech about his work with Jay Hepi (right), who is pictured with Destiny Church leader Brian Tamaki. Photo / NZME

When Dempster asked to speak, the judge agreed, and Dempster launched into a claim that he was minding the gun for someone else and had “no idea” what he was holding.

From the dock, he said, “If she was so scared of me, why was she following me around all morning?

“It was very hard to deal with. I was ignoring it, and they were clearly following me.”

He then said he was a facilitator at Man Up Dargaville, where he said he supported men in trouble.

“It’s cause and effect. I support gang members.”

He then raised the name of former failed Northland regional council mayoral candidate Jay Hepi.

“Jay brought the Rebels group to New Zealand; he was previously president of the Tribesman; he was a man to be feared.

“I supported Jay for four years as he was transitioning, and then he ran for mayor. Today he’s supporting Labour. The gangs follow his walk into Christ and into his life,” Dempster said.

“My wife hated it.”

Judge McDonald stopped Dempster’s speech, saying he was not sure what it had to do with the task at hand: sentencing.

The judge noted that Dempster’s file pointed to a “very cavalier attitude towards your firearms”.

“They were in your room, in the cupboard, in the wardrobe, on the floor under your bed, on the floor under the couch in your home.”

Although the violence was low, the threat to kill was to be taken seriously, he said.

“She [Dempster’s wife] tells me, as she did tell the jury, that she did take the threat very seriously.

“She tells me further that she had difficulty with her ribs, as they were sore, she couldn’t wash her feet or take off her shoes.”

Judge McDonald referred to comments the victim had made in her impact statement that said Dempster had no remorse and “continues to blame everybody else” and she had been forced to relocate.

“She left behind her family, sisters, brothers, the place where she grew up her entire life, just to get away from you.

“She is relieved the jury found in her favour.”

Judge McDonald noted Dempster’s risk of reoffending was low and, because of his previous good character, he was sentenced to five months’ home detention.

Man Up did not respond to NZME’s request for comment.

FAMILY VIOLENCE

How to get help: If you're in danger now: • Phone the police on 111 or ask neighbours or friends to ring for you.
• Run outside and head for where there are other people. Scream for help so your neighbours can hear you.
• Take the children with you. Don't stop to get anything else.
• If you are being abused, remember it's not your fault. Violence is never okay.
Where to go for help or more information:
• Women's Refuge: Crisis line - 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843 (available 24/7)
• Shine: Helpline - 0508 744 633 (available 24/7)
• It's Not Ok: Family violence information line - 0800 456 450
• Shakti: Specialist services for African, Asian and Middle Eastern women and children.
• Crisis line - 0800 742 584 (available 24/7)
• Ministry of Justice: For information on family violence
• Te Kupenga Whakaoti Mahi Patunga: National Network of Family Violence Services
• White Ribbon: Aiming to eliminate men's violence towards women.
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Shannon Pitman is a Whangārei-based reporter for Open Justice covering courts in the Te Tai Tokerau region. She is of Ngāpuhi/ Ngāti Pūkenga descent and has worked in digital media for the past five years. She joined NZME in 2023.