'Control and dominance': Father forced young sons to fight, filmed it and sent video to their mother

WARNING: This story may be upsetting to some readers.

After assaulting his two young sons, including throwing one by the hair and choking the other against a wall, a father forced the brothers to fight each other.

He filmed the confrontation and sent it to their mother, behaviour a judge described as “quite bizarre”.

The man, who is in his 20s, appeared in the Whangārei District Court for sentencing on two charges of assault on a child, strangulation and neglect related to his two sons.

A summary of facts read in court said one day last year, the boys arrived at school early to play with a ball but when one threw it at his brother’s head, they got into a fight.

They were restrained by school staff and the parents were advised what had happened.

When the boys, both aged under 10 , returned home after school, their father asked whether they had got in trouble that day.

They said they hadn’t.

The man got angry because they were lying and smacked one of them across the face several times, causing his face to redden.

He then punched him in the shoulder before kicking both boys in the legs and stomach.

During the assault he pulled one boy’s ear until it turned red, lifted one boy off the ground by the hair and threw him over a set of drawers.

He also grabbed the other son by the throat and choked him against the wall.

The father was yelling and swearing throughout and then directed them to fight each other.

“Out of fear, they began to physically fight, as two brothers, and they punched each other in the face and you threatened to punch them if they stopped fighting,” Judge Philip Rzepecky said.

While this was occurring, the father filmed them fighting and sent it to their mother at work.

After the fight the father asked if they wanted to do it again and they responded “no”.

The victims were left with bruising, a sore face, difficulty breathing and one had a bloody nose.

‘Control and dominance’

The father’s lawyer Connor Taylor said his client did not grow up in an environment where he would be given the proper tools to be a father.

But since his arrest, the father had completed four parenting courses and voluntarily enrolled in a fifth six-week wellbeing programme.

“He was 25 at the time of offending and coupled with being a young parent. I think that needs to be recognised, sir, because being a parent’s one of the hardest jobs in the world. It’s stressful. You don’t have the tools,” Taylor said.

But Judge Rzepecky interrupted him.

“There are some things about the offending, getting the boys to fight and taking a video and sending it to his partner, I think that was quite bizarre behaviour,” Judge Rzepecky pointed out.

The father has since completed four parenting courses. Photo / NZME

Taylor agreed.

“It’s a very bizarre and very unusual behaviour. Exerting control and dominance over the boys through the boys in a way,” Taylor said.

Despite that, Taylor said the father had good whānau support, was skilled at what he did for a living and was working hard on himself.

Lance Jones, from Safe Man Safe Family, addressed the court and said the man was one of the few willing to engage in tough conversations.

“He knows that this journey is for the rest of his life,” Jones said.

The father had completed a restorative justice session with his children and Judge Rzepecky said it was a moving report.

“It shows a much better man than the one involved in the violence against the children.”

Judge Rzepecky acknowledged the work the father had done but said it was serious offending given the children were his own.

“You’ve had a full employment history... But as a result of this offending, you’ve lost your job and you’re separated from your family. You’re now on a benefit and of course have been on EM bail, so there’s been significant consequences for you already,” Judge Rzepecky said.

“The serious nature of the violent offending against young children from a parent requires a stern sentence to denounce and deter such offending.

“Home detention is not an easy sentence, but it has more likelihood of providing you with an opportunity to rehabilitate and re-engage with your whānau than if I send you away for years to prison. Ultimately that outcome may benefit your children as well.”

The man was sentenced to 10 months’ home detention.

FAMILY VIOLENCE

How to get help: If you're in danger now: • Phone the police on 111 or ask neighbours or friends to ring for you.
• Run outside and head for where there are other people. Scream for help so your neighbours can hear you.
• Take the children with you. Don't stop to get anything else.
• If you are being abused, remember it's not your fault. Violence is never okay.
Where to go for help or more information:
• Women's Refuge: Crisis line - 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843 (available 24/7)
• Shine: Helpline - 0508 744 633 (available 24/7)
• It's Not Ok: Family violence information line - 0800 456 450
• Shakti: Specialist services for African, Asian and Middle Eastern women and children.
• Crisis line - 0800 742 584 (available 24/7)
• Ministry of Justice: For information on family violence
• Te Kupenga Whakaoti Mahi Patunga: National Network of Family Violence Services
• White Ribbon: Aiming to eliminate men's violence towards women.
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Shannon Pitman is a Whangārei-based reporter for Open Justice covering courts in the Te Tai Tokerau region. She is of Ngāpuhi/Ngāti Pūkenga descent and has worked in digital media for the past five years. She joined NZME in 2023.