Words that harm: Mum’s plea after death of 14yo daughter

Warning: This article contains distressing content and discusses suicide. 

The grieving mum of a teenager who is suspected to have died by suicide after she was allegedly told how to end her life on social media is pleading with parents and children to realise how cruel words can be. 

A report has been laid with police after 14-year-old Minke Peddie died last month after bullying her mother claimed was so severe she needed hospital treatment. 

Minke Peddie's mum, Tamaryn Peddie, is speaking out against bullying after the 14-year-old's death. Photo / Tamaryn Peddie 

Heartbroken mum Tamaryn Peddie says despite best efforts to protect her only child, she was unable to prevent online harm, including from another teenager who allegedly schooled her in an online call on how to end her life. 

A memorial is being held today to remember Minke, with a bench seat dedicated to her memory to be unveiled at Te Kauwhata College, and a balloon release before a church service. Those attending have been asked to wear Minke’s favourite colours, red and pink. 

The coroner’s office confirmed the death was being investigated as a suspected suicide. 

Peddie told the Herald her daughter was a protective, loving girl who “stood up for everyone but herself”. 

“She would rather give than have. She hated seeing people upset. She was such a good girl. She was only 14 years old, just a child,” she said. 

“We need to bring more light to bullying. Things are already hard enough for kids. If just one child can be saved from this, that would be something.” 

Minke Peddie at a young age with her mum, Tamaryn Peddie. Photo / Tamaryn Peddie 

Peddie claimed that in the weeks leading up to Minke’s death, her daughter was bullied, which resulted in self-harm. 

She said her daughter was targeted four years ago when she was subjected to harmful online messages, physically hurt and mocked during school hours and taunted outside their home. 

In one instance, classmates taped a photo of a whale to Minke’s desk after weight gain attributed to medical issues. 

The Te Kauwhata College student’s mental health declined two months ago. She was prescribed anxiety medication and attended school counselling. 

Peddie said that three weeks later, her daughter allegedly attempted to take her own life. 

Minke was taken to Waikato Hospital before being transferred to Starship hospital in Auckland. 

“The worst part that I feel sick about is that I found out later she was on FaceTime with a girl who was telling her how and when to do it.” 

Peddie told the Herald one of Minke’s friends and her mother visited a police station to report the bullying and threats a week before Minke’s death. 

Police confirmed they had responded to a report of bullying at a Waikato school. 

“Police have received a report of allegations and threats to a person on Thursday 11 June,” a spokesperson said. 

Inquiries were ongoing. 

Minke Peddie was described as always happy and putting other people first. Photo / Tamaryn Peddie 

Te Kauwhata College principal Deborah Hohneck, while not addressing the specific bullying allegations against Minke, told the Herald the school took any anti-social behaviour seriously. 

“Students and families are encouraged to report concerns promptly so they can be addressed. This behaviour is not tolerated.” 

Hohneck said the school held a remembrance in Minke’s honour. 

“We are wrapping support around Minke’s family and friends. We remember Minke as a smiley student who loved pink, so we held a pink mufti day in her memory on Friday. 

“The well-being of all our students and teachers is paramount for us in this devastating time, so our focus is on assisting all those in need.” 

After four weeks off school, Minke was due to return to classes. 

A photo of Minke Peddie taken just five hours before she died. Photo / Tamaryn Peddie 

“She was supposed to start school on the Monday, and we had her friends stay over to support her and make her feel excited,” said Peddie. 

“She was out and working on getting better; each day was hard, but I felt she was happier.” 

But the bullying resumed. 

“Friday night I gave her her medication; she said she was tired and went to bed. 

“I had a strange feeling in my stomach, so a little while later I went to go switch her light off and she was gone from her room.” 

Peddie contacted police, along with Minke’s friends and their parents, who began the late-night search to help find her. 

“This was 10.30 at night. At 5.30, just five hours earlier, she was smiling, and I took the most beautiful photo of her. I thought she was happy. I thought she was doing better.” 

Childhood photo of Minke Peddie. Photo / Tamaryn Peddie 

A traumatised Peddie has been off work since her daughter’s death, so her “amazing, supportive family of colleagues” have organised a Givealittle appeal to support costs associated with her daughter’s death. 

“I’m a solo parent, I don’t have heaps of money and have no funeral plan. 

“We will give her a memorial and my brother has helped organise a bench seat to be put up at school because when she was upset at school she’d run to a bench and cry and call me. 

“So everyone will know that bench is a safe space for them.” 

Peddie had an important message for parents. 

“Hug your children, tell them how much you love them. Kids need to know how loved they are. 

“Remember that words can hurt and should not be used as a weapon. We do not always know what others are going through and struggling with. 

“As adults, it is our responsibility to teach the young to bring love and light into a world that can be so cruel – a world that I know must be so hard to face as a young person.” 

To learn more about this topic, you can click on the banner below to watch Under the Influence, the Herald’s new online video series about the harm social media can do to young people and how we can respond. 

Where to get help:
• Lifeline: Call 0800 543 354 or text 4357 (HELP) (available 7am-midnight).
• Suicide Crisis Helpline: Call 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7).
• Youth services: (06) 3555 906.
• Youthline: Call 0800 376 633, text 234, contact them on WhatsApp at 09 886 56 96 or on Webchat.
• What's Up: Call 0800 942 8787 (11am to 11pm) or webchat (11am to 10.30pm).
• Depression helpline: Call 0800 111 757 or text 4202 (available 24/7).
• Helpline: Need to talk? Call or text 1737.
• Samaritans 24/7 crisis helpline: 0800 72 66 66.
• Aoake te Rā (Bereaved by Suicide Service): Call 0800 000053 or referrals@aoake-te-ra.org.nz.
• Survivor Experiences Service: 0800 456 090 (8.30am-4.30pm Monday-Friday) or text 8328. This service is for people abused in state, faith-based or other forms of care.
If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.