Tokoroa mother shares grief after son's death in hope of helping others

A Tokoroa mother who lost her son to suicide earlier this year says she is speaking publicly about her grief in the hope his death can help others struggling with their mental health.

Bridget Coward joined The Nutters Club on Newstalk ZB to talk about her son Bradley, who died in April after living with depression and anxiety from his teenage years.

Bridget described Bradley as a cheeky, considerate young man with a passion for heavy metal and drumming.

After finishing high school, he moved to Tauranga to study music, a decision Coward said made her proud despite the difficulty of seeing her son leave home.

Bradley had been diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 15, and Bridget said she repeatedly tried to connect him with different forms of support.

“The more I encouraged it, the more he pushed back,” she said.

Bridget said Bradley had previously attempted suicide, and the loss of his grandfather, who had been an important male role model in his life, had also deeply affected him.

Since Bradley's death, Bridget said the support of the Tokoroa community had been invaluable.

Friends, colleagues, teachers and others had continued checking in on both her and her daughter, sometimes through something as simple as asking how they were doing.

“It tells me that you're thinking of me,” she said.

Psychotherapist Kyle MacDonald told the programme there was no fixed timeline for grief and people should not feel pressured to “get over” the death of someone close to them.

“We always carry the person with us,” he said, adding that while the intensity of grief may lessen over time, there is not necessarily a clear endpoint.

Bridget said she was now raising money for mental health awareness and wanted conversations about emotional distress, particularly among men, to become more normal.

“Our men need to know that it's okay to be emotional. It's okay to need to talk,” she said.

Listeners also shared their experiences of depression and grief, discussing the role of counselling, medication, exercise, faith, friendships, pets and music in helping them cope.

Bridget music remained particularly important to her and had helped her through several significant losses.

She ended the programme remembering Bradley for his humour, his smile and his acceptance of others.

“He just took people as they were. He didn't judge.”

For immediate mental health support in New Zealand, people can call or text 1737 at any time.