'Look what you made me do': Judge suggests inmate addresses his victim-blaming

WARNING: This story deals with family violence and may be upsetting to some readers.

A judge has suggested a man jailed for “serious family violence” should try reading a book to gain some insight into his victim-blaming behaviour.

Judge Barbara Morris told Ryan De Souza in the Blenheim District Court on Tuesday that the Australian book, Look What You Made Me Do, might help him.

“There’s a lot of that, when I read through the summary of facts, that you pushed it back on her,” Judge Morris said.

In a spate of offending last year, De Souza choked, struck, slapped and kicked the victim in the head.

In one instance, when she tried to leave, she was holding a child and was struck in the face before De Souza threw a cellphone at her, which hit the child she was holding and another child nearby.

She was attacked again when, days later, she messaged De Souza to ask what she had done to deserve such treatment.

He came around to her house and slapped her again, Judge Morris said in summarising the facts at sentencing.

“There’s no excuse for violence, but you told her it was her fault.”

De Souza was angered by the victim communicating with a man on social media when she was selling items on his behalf.

He told her he would kill her. Later, when she pleaded for him to leave, De Souza put a knife to her neck and slapped and choked her again.

The victim called police before the phone was wrestled off her, as De Souza was still holding a knife, Judge Morris said.

“You told her to get the police, get her family, and you would slit their throats and it was all her fault.”

De Souza, who had spent 394 days in custody on remand, was sentenced to three years and five months in prison on the lead charge of strangulation, amid a raft of charges he admitted, including assault, assaulting a person in a family relationship, threatening to kill and threatening grievous bodily harm.

Judge Morris said strangulation was a life-threatening offence.

“It signals to a victim, ‘I’m in control. I can take your life, and I will.’”

The Crown sought a six-year starting point for prison.

Prosecutor Jerome Lao described what happened as “serious family violence” involving multiple strangulations throughout the relationship.

The victim was hit on her head, slapped in the face and endured death threats. Once, he pulled a knife and, another time, a machete.

Lao said that, in some instances, multiple children were present. This and the presence of weapons made the offending “much worse”.

Defence lawyer Jackie van Schalkwyk acknowledged the victim, who was in court for the sentencing.

Van Schalkwyk said that none of what she said in court was intended to downplay the victim’s experience.

It was important that De Souza understood how he had reached the stage he had, and a sentencing discount for personal circumstances was justified, she said.

The defence also acknowledged his “differing expressions of remorse”, which the court said made it hard to determine how genuine he was.

The Crown opposed any discount for remorse.

Van Schalkwyk said De Souza wanted to be a better parent and had “tried his level best” with the means available to him.

Judge Morris noted the many opportunities available to De Souza, which he hadn’t taken up.

In setting a prison starting point of five and a half years, she said family violence committed in front of children was more serious.

Family violence committed in front of children was considered more serious, Judge Barbara Morris said. Photo / 123rf

“Children witnessing these things don’t grow up to be the people they might become,” she said.

The judge also factored in the psychological abuse the victim had suffered, including De Souza threatening to take his own life and telling her it would be “her fault”.

He was awarded discounts for his guilty pleas and the remorse that the judge accepted was genuine. He was also given credit for his personal circumstances and for his willingness to take part in restorative justice, to arrive at a sentence of three years and five months.

The Parole Board would decide his release, Judge Morris said.

De Souza was also subject to the Three Strikes law, meaning any further serious offending would carry harsher penalties.

FAMILY VIOLENCE

How to get help:
If you're in danger now:
• Phone the police on 111 or ask neighbours or friends to ring for you.
• Run outside and head for where there are other people. Scream for help so your neighbours can hear you.
• Take the children with you. Don't stop to get anything else.
• If you are being abused, remember it's not your fault. Violence is never okay.
Where to go for help or more information:
• Women's Refuge: Crisis line - 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843 (available 24/7)
• Shine: Helpline - 0508 744 633 (available 24/7)
• It's Not Ok: Family violence information line - 0800 456 450
• Shakti: Specialist services for African, Asian and Middle Eastern women and children.
• Crisis line - 0800 742 584 (available 24/7)
• Ministry of Justice: For information on family violence
• Te Kupenga Whakaoti Mahi Patunga: National Network of Family Violence Services
• White Ribbon: Aiming to eliminate men's violence towards women.
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Tracy Neal is a Nelson-based Open Justice reporter at NZME. She was previously RNZ’s regional reporter in Nelson-Marlborough and has covered general news, including court and local government for the Nelson Mail.